Last Note

This is not for all those that i have hurt b4 or for those that have hurt me.
This is not for those that care about me or furthermore for those that dont.
This is not for those that called me names or pushed me down.
This is not for those that ridiculed me and thought i was evil walking on the face of the earth.

Yes i have done alot of evil things.
Ive cheated, lied, robbed ect. for the things i wanted in life...Im not proud of these facts.
There are times i wake up in a cold sweat with faces of my past exhaling their last breath
greeting me as i wake from my nightmares...
Now looking back there isnt much i havent ever done that did cause misery to others, or atleast
to those who were left behind...
I ofton think that is it courage that i lack to finally one day pull this trigger...
Or is it really just the cowards way out of the situtaion...
I mean either way what does it matter if i dont stop my evil rain im going to end up hurting
more and more people...
And this time maybe its people that i do really love and care about...

Ive ofton thought about the way that it would all end up like this...
I mean do i choose a quick way out or do i do something where it takes time and i get my one
last chance to reflect on life...
Take the bottle of pills and just slip away into a slumber that will escape the misery that i
have caused others...

I dont really do this for myself, all though all others will fell that i did this for selfish and
alterior motives...
I Truely believe that i am evil...that i am no good for anyone and i refuse to hurt another soul.
For those of you who are hurt by this act i truely feel that the misery you feel now will only
be for a short period of time compared to the misery the rest of my life would have
caused you because of what evil lurks in my heart.

All i can do now is just hope and pray that maybe that God will show pitty on my soul...
I do realize this act carries great consiquences with it concerning many religions and being
able to carry my soul over into the higher realm...
So all i can do now is say one last prayer while the pills start to kick in...